First Lie Uncovered, more to follow...

Here were some early warnings that I dismissed. First off, on his profile on the dating site he said he was a non smoker. I, at the time was trying to quit and had that posted on my profile. During those months that we spoke he never told me he smoked. And the day that we finally met, and I had not smoked in almost a week again, when I kissed him, I could smell it on him. FIRST LIE. Since I was struggling with breaking the habit, I didn't consider it a big deal at the time. I questioned him as to why he lied on his profile, his answer was that he wanted to quit and thought if he met someone and ended up in a relationship it would give him the extra push he needed to actually do it.

I don't want to put too many of the lies that happened over the years quite yet-but there were MANY!!!

Before I left after meeting him that first time in person, I asked him "are you going to continue on the dating site?", of course I wanted to know if he was as interested in getting to know only me as I was him. He responded "I can only focus on one woman at a time", leading me to believe we were on the same page. 

Also, during my visit he would tell me something and then stop and say "oh, I already told you that-didn't I?"  When actually he had not told me. That was a major missed flag. The reason he couldn't remember what he had or had not told me was because he was communicating with LOTS of different women on MANY different sites-unknown to me at the time.

Be cautious of dating on-line and what flags to look out for from the start. As I get into more of my story, I will share some common ones and not so common flags that I experienced

Trying To Make Sense Of My Relationship

If your searching for answers to what kind of person you have been dealing with in your current or recently ended relationship, that indicates you have been dealing with a partner that most likely has a disorder. If you are feeling dazed, confused, trying to put the pieces together of what has been happening to you, then I want you to share your story. My desire is that those who are looking for answers and left feeling bewildered can come and share in a safe place, and get support while trying to heal from a dysfunctional relationship.

If you are or have been lied to, manipulated, more confused after questioning your partner's behavior, that is telling your gut that something is not right, in your relationship, most likely you are dealing with a partner who has a disorder. If you have been having those Red Flag moments only to ignore them and keep looking at only the "good" in the relationship, its time to take inventory as to what is REALLY going on. Are you in a real relationship? Or is it one sided? Are you giving more than you are getting back? Are you making excuses for why you are feeling off balance? If you are doing any of the above, its time to step back and look at what is really going on.

My relationship was on again-off again many times over the 4 years it lasted. It started very early with lies and cheating. Only to get sucked back in with promises of never hurting me again. Only to find out that it was indeed happening again. I loved him, so I forgave him. He would "win" my trust back only to repeat them same all over again. The lies upon lies, the women, the never ending feelings that kept me off balance while trying to put the pieces together. He would turn the tables on me when I questioned what my gut telling me. If I felt there was another woman and asked him directly, he would laugh at me and tell me it was my insecurities, only to find out eventually my gut was right. But his reaction would make me question myself. This stealth brain-washing is a tactic used with those who are on the spectrum of Narcissist  and or Sociopaths. And no, to be a sociopath does not mean you are a killer or thief. It is much more than that. The word is spreading and people are learning what these disorders actually are and look like. Sadly, most of us (men and women) are finding out what a Narcissist/Sociopaths are because of dealing with one in a romantic relationship. It leaves you numb, hurt, confused, trying to put the pieces together and figuring out what you have actually been through.

There are so many layers to learn regarding the condition of being in a relationship with such a person. Not only trying to figure out who/what they actually are, but also finding out how and why you ended up where you did. There is a lot to discover about yourself in order to heal as well.

I welcome any and all replies. Are you in this type of a relationship? Have you ever been in this type of relationship? Are you in the healing process? Are you just searching for answers?  Do you just need to vent?  I understand, I have been there, along with so many others.